i survived

surgery day came 10:30am friday morning. i have never been put out before. after they wheeled me into the surgery room they started to administer the anesthesia. the doctor told me i would start to get sleepy. i waited a few seconds and i wasn't. i told them, "i'm not sleepy at all!" and i looked around the room waiting to feel the affects and said to them again, "i'm not sleepy at all." i don't ever remember getting sleepy or anything, the next thing i knew, i was trying to wake up. i couldn't get my poor little eyes to open up, but i was trying to tell someone that i was in PAIN. that wasn't how i imagined coming to. in fact, this entire experience was far from what i expected it would be. since i have had a c-section i imagined that it could only be as worse or less than that. it didn't cross my mind that this was going to be the most painful experience i have had to endure thus far in my life. as i was working on waking up and trying to sound like a coherent person answering their questions, they were giving me meds through my iv. but they simply were not doing anything to help my pain. so the next step was to get me to eat and drink something so that i could take something orally. my cute husband hand fed me chocolate pudding and as did, his mouth would open wide the exact same time mine would- just like he does when he feeds porter something. if i hadn't have been so groggy i would have laughed. the meds didn't kick in until later that evening. it was, however, short lived; i woke up in the middle of the night with intense pain. i took as much pain medicine as i was allowed, as often as i was allowed, but still that following day (saturday) i was in the most pain i have ever experienced. something about the pain of those two screws in my bones penetrated throughout my entire foot and lower leg, throbbing non-stop. finally around 5pm saturday i was instructed to take ibuprofen with my pain meds for the inflamation. that combination was what i needed for relief. it was such a wonderful feeling to have the medicine working. i literally felt like i had been holding my breath and was finally able to breathe. the next day i had to find the right balance in medication because although my pain was relieved, it was making me vomit. needless to say, it was not a fun recovery. oh yeah, and the doc said while they were doing surgery they discovered "several other fractured bones" and "bone chips" hanging around in my foot. no screws or pins needed for those, but still... lovely.

on the bright side of things, my older brother robbie, drove all day from california to come help out. what a sweet heart he is, it was like heavenly father sent me an angel to help me out through this horrible trial of mine. he played with porter, took him on bike rides, took him to the park, played basketball with him, took him outside, etc. my biggest fear going into surgery was being stressed about porter, and thankfully i was able to rest on 20 pillows on my comfortable guest bed with ice packs on my leg and foot, snacks on my bed side, and a large stack of red boxes to pass the time; and all the while i didn't have to stress about porter, i knew that he was having fun with his uncle robbie and his daddy. this was a horrible experience, one i pray i will never have to repeat, but it was wonderful to be taken care of and to know that everything will work out in the end. i'll admit, last week i had a complete meltdown and had no idea how i would be able to be a mom and recover at the same time. i cried for hours and offered a lot of prayers. later that day i found out that dinners were going to be brought in by our ward, i had my neighbor offer to take porter for some play dates, my sister in law volunteered to take porter on surgery day, and then later robbie surprised us by coming out. i have had so many good friends offer to help, and even if i haven't needed to ask (err, yet...) it has been comforting to know that there are helping hands all around me. i knew heavenly father was watching out for me and my family.

and now, monday is here and real life begins. lets see how this REALLY goes... :)