so in my august journaling i talked about how porter has been experiencing lot of jealousy, and the different ways he had been acting out. i got some phone calls, and some comments with advice on how to help him. i really appreciated all the advice. the first couple days as i put different people's advice to work, it seemed to work, porter seemed happier and was excited about being included. but then out of nowhere he would head butt the baby or hurt him like old times. i admit- i was so frustrated. here i was trying to help him to feel loved and wanted and whatever, and then i would have to go and put him in timeout again because i simply couldn't tolerate such behavior. i knew it made all those feelings he had come back to the surface, and it seemed like it was hopeless. but... i kept trying.
slowly, each day has gotten better and better. porter, who i now call "my big strong, big boy helper" is excited to lend a helping hand to mom. he gets to help mom change diapers, he gets to pick out his baby brother's clothes, and he gets to show baby toys while mom is changing his diaper. mom is trying to remember to have something exciting for porter to do while she is nursing to make that time special for porter too. sometimes we go in the backyard & watch porter perform cool tricks on the trampoline. sometimes he gets to play with play-doh, etc. when baby is sleeping, mommy and porter have lots of 1-on-1 play time. the housework is set aside, and i am down on the floor tickling, and cuddling, and playing. my house isn't as clean as i want it, and sometimes that is stressful for me to handle. but i am seeing major improvements. some days, porter is surprised to get a beautifully wrapped present delivered to him. he is told how tyson wanted to do something nice for porter, so he got him a special present. or sometimes candy is a special treat from baby tyson. porter gives tyson big hugs and kisses and says "THANK YOU TYSON!"
he has become more gentle, more loving, more accepting, and happier all together. and it is wonderful to see that and feel like he is getting the love that he needs. as hard as it was to see him act out, it broke my heart to know that he was hurting. we still need to keep things up and keep improving, but i am so happy with the improvements so far. thank you all. (ps: the last two pictures are ones porter has managed to take when i wasn't looking. not bad, very abstract!)
1 comment:
what a great idea... to give presents "from Tyson", I love it.
I'm glad to hear things are getting better in big-brother land. My oldest is so young still, he doesn't seem to mind to intrusion so much. He does want more attention but doesn't seem to take it out on her.
He loves to "help" me by pushing the baby swing button to "on". Even if I stop the baby swing, he will walk over and correct my "mistake" and switch it to "on" again.
He also give her big hugs that are often and little too tight, so we are working on that. Better a hug than a hit.
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