Porter came home from Preschool today with the most darling little bunny art project. He was so proud of it. Unfortunately just one hour later Tyson got a hold of it and ripped it to pieces. Porter pushed him to the ground and when I turned to see the commotion he was on top of Tyson hitting him repeatedly with balled up fists, and Tyson was crying and screaming and struggling to get away.
I have never seen anything like this before. "What are you doing?!!!" I screamed, and I burst into tears as I yanked him off of Tyson. I whacked his butt so hard and screamed, "Do you want someone to hit you like that?" At the sight of my tears he burst into a set of his own. "Get in your room, NOW!" I demanded.
Even though not a minute had passed Tyson was more concerned with the drama in the air that he had forgotten all about the fact that he should be sad or hurt. As I gave him a snuggle and asked if he was okay, I contemplated what to do. What is the worst punishment I could possibly give to a four year old little boy? Was it too extreme to make him stay in his room for the rest of the day? What could I ground him from? After a while, I went up to his room to talk to him. As we talked about what happened we both were spontaneously crying. I remember at one point him saying something like "Mommy, my body sometimes makes me not be nice and I don't like it." We talked about different things, and then we tried to decide what we should do and finally decided we should pray. Porter said the prayer, and as he did he cried his sweet little eyes out. He asked for Tyson to be more gentle with his art projects, and for his body to let him be nice, and for mommy not to be mad at him. After his prayer, he wiped his tears and gave me a big hug and didn't let go. It was just ripping my heart out. I held him for 30 minutes, until finally he fell asleep.
Being a parent is so hard sometimes. It is so hard trying to figure out how to handle a situation. I hate when I over react in the moment, screaming at and spanking my child. Even though I know he deserved it I hate how I feel during the moment. It isn't a feeling of self control. I wish there was time to count to ten or something, but it seems there is always a need for immediate intervention. After our little moment of tear fest and praying for help, I don't think I could bear punish him any more today, although I will probably tell the neighborhood kids "no" when they come to play today.
What do you do when your kids do something bad? What do you do to punish them?
5 comments:
That made me cry! What a sweet boy! I think you did the right thing. Keep calm and carry on :) unfortunately it probably wont be the last time they get in a brawl!
Boys, Yikes!
Wow what an eventful afternoon! :) That is really great and shows what great parents you and Jared are for Porter to have the idea to pray.
Right now I only have 1 so I don't have to deal with the fighting (YET) but when Courtney does something naughty, I just take a deep breath and look at her and ask her "What do you think you are doing?" (usually in a loud grumpy voice) She is really a good kid so she usually stops whatever she is doing falls apart crying and says her sorry. Me being mad or upset with her is the worst thing that could happen. However if it is something really bad and timeout really doesn't fit (which it usually does) She will be grounded from something. So for example, I have told her HUNDREDS of times that she needs to bring her bike into the garage when she is done riding it - if she forgets it or doesn't put it away then she is grounded from playing with it the next day. I know that this doesn't really apply to what happened with Porter and Tyson. Good Luck!
Oh, I am so sorry! This made me cry! You have such a sweet boy! I had a moment like this yesterday, only the offense was so minor I just felt like a jerk afterward. I also deal with fighting a bit and I think what you did was amazing! praying and talking and love will always win over hearts :) You are amazing!
This scenario sounds so familiar. I am constantly just discussing with the boys how to use nice words and I help them to find a way to talk to each other instead of hitting. I also do time outs and take certain favorite toys away for awhile if necessary. Dylan has been hitting a lot lately and my biggest thing is to give him a small time out, then bring him back to apologize and help him to solve his problems using his words. Good luck. All kids are unique and you will know best what to do for your boys!
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