8 blissful years

Yesterday was our 8 year anniversary!  A few days ago I was in Jared's email looking for an old invoice from around the time of our dating years.  I didn't find what I was looking for, but I came across an email that made me smile.  It was an email Jared had sent to his sister, Ginny, who at the time was on her mission in Guatemala.


Sister Robbins,
Sorry about last week.  I got caught up with everything that was going on.  Everything is going great.  I am getting closer and closer to getting engaged.  I have to find out some tax information and I will be able to get a ring.  It is really exciting.  I have never been around a person that I never got tired of.  I can't get enough of having Stacy around.   To make a long story short I am in love with her.....

I love....

• I love that even as the years have gone by, we never have tired of being with each other. 
• I love the way Tyson's arms immediately reach out for you every time you enter the room.
• I love that you are Porter's hero
• I love that you can always sense when it has been a hard day and encourage me to take a break while you watch the kids.
• I love that you are spontaneous
• I love the dimples in your smile.
• I love our date nights.
• I love your devotion to the gospel.
• I love that you are driven.
• I love the way you keep my Ipod updated with great music
• I love it when you tell Porter to say things that are cute, but kinda creepy, like "Mommy, you look hot."
• I love the smell of your cologne.
• I love YOU

Happy Annnniverrrrrsarrry!
Oh, and for our anniversary we went to the temple and did sealings, and then went out for dinner.  We have tentative plans to take a weekend trip this summer without the kids!

Tyson's Boo-Boo

Looking back, I think the spirit was trying to warn me.  I just wish I would've done more.  Jared went out of town this weekend.  Our days were filled with non-stop fun.  The kids and I played outside all day long, and had an absolute blast.  But at night, I was having nightmares.  I was constantly waking up reaching out.  In one dream he was about to fall off my bed.  In another he was right by the stairs.  He was always about to fall and I would gasp and reach out to grab him and that was when I would wake up.  I don't think it was necessarily the dreams, but there was this natural instinct to try and protect him more than usual this weekend.  Porter and I put up the baby gate downstairs and kept the office door shut to keep him off the stairs.  When we were working in the yard outside we brought the pack-n-play out and put him in there with some toys.  It was the first time I have ever put him in the pack-n-play outside, and it was the first time we have had a gate up downstairs since Porter was a baby.  Usually I just keep a close eye on him.  And perhaps that would have been better.

This week we had a young sister from our ward return from her mission.  As part a new family tradition we started to make some cookies to bring her and welcome her home.  I double checked to make sure the gate was closed, and the office door shut.  I occupied Tyson at my feet with some kitchen utensils.  When the first batch was out and cooled, Porter got a cookie and Tyson crawled to him to share.  They both sat quietly eating their cookies.  As I was putting a new batch of cookies in, I heard "boom, boom" and then Tyson's cries.  He had somehow gotten through the baby gate and had started to climb the stairs and fell.

I ran to the stairs and scooped up my crying baby and tried to soothe him.  He has never fell like that before, and it undoubtedly scared him.  After a few minutes, I thought he should have started to calm down, but he hadn't.  Just a few days prior I had started the "weaning" process and was only nursing him 2 times in the day and once at night.  I was certain nursing him would surely calm his nerves.  But he wouldn't nurse at all.  I walked around the house holding him trying to calm him down.  He would lay his head on my shoulder, and then a moment later push off with his hands, all the time crying.  When 20 minutes had passed and he hadn't stopped crying I was really concerned.  I started feeling his arms and legs to see if I could discern if he was hurt somewhere.  Nothing seemed to stand out.  I took him into the bathroom to get a good look at him.  I stood him on the counter and he started crying even harder.  I was certain something had to be wrong.  This was the first time that weekend I really wished my husband was not out of hand.  With Tyson in one arm, I used the other arm to get Porter dressed, and shoes on.  I hurried him into the car.

I knew that my pediatrician, Alpine Pediatrics, was open on the weekends and did x-rays and casts, should something be broken.  I started heading there, and called them on the way to make sure that was okay.  As we started driving, Tyson finally stopped crying for the first time.  When I connected to the dr's office, and they found out how old Tyson was, they said they wouldn't take him that they would send him to the ER.  I pulled the car over to try and think what to do.  Tyson wasn't crying anymore, maybe I was over reacting.  It really had only been 20 minutes since it had happened.  Should I wait a little bit longer, before racking up a thousand dollar ER bill?  I decided I would take Porter to my sister-in-law's house in Lehi and have her watch Porter, and then I could check Tyson over one more time before deciding to go to the hospital.  I got back on the road, and got onto I-15.  Immediately, that seemed wrong.  I got off the first exit, and pulled into a gas station to think again.  I called my other sister-in-law, Jamie because her little boy has a broken arm and she just barely went through the same thing.  The first thing she told me was "That is so weird that you called, I just had the strongest feeling that something bad was going to happen.  I ran downstairs to tell my kids to be careful and not get hurt, and as I was walking up the stairs, you called."  After our conversation and her advice, it seemed like the best thing to do was to head up the street from where I was to the IHC Urgent Care.

I only had to wait 10 minutes to get in.  I was really thankful I went in because although Tyson still was not crying, he would start to wimper and fuss if I tried to sit down.  When the doctor came in, she first checked his ribs.  All seemed fine.  Next she started feeling his left leg.  He didn't cry but I could feel him tensing up in my lap.  When she checked his right leg, as soon as she went near his ankle area, he started to cry.  "We better x-ray this right leg," she advised.  Across the hall we went to get x-rays done.  This was the hardest part.  We had to lay him on a hard table and try and get him to straighten his leg out and stay still, and I wasn't able to hold his leg at all.  He would bawl.  (Ugh, it makes me cry to just think about it!)  But eventually he would calm down and lay still so they could get the x-ray.  There were 3 angles, and it was the same experience each time.

While we were waiting for the results Jared called to check up on us.  "What are you guys up to?"  I told him we were at the Urgent Care and that Tyson had fallen off the stairs.  I told him they had just done x-rays on his right leg.  It was then that he got into a bad reception area, and our call was lost.  I felt bad for him and that was all he had heard, but I suppose that was all I really knew anyway.

The doctor finally returned and confirmed that there was a small hairline fracture that didn't even go a fourth of the way through his bone, but sure enough it was just above his ankle where he cried at the doctor's touch.  They put on a huge splint that stuck out a couple inches further than his toes, and went all the way up to his thigh.  They told me to not let him crawl or put any pressure on it whatsoever.  I was supposed to take him to Primary Children's Hospital on Monday to get him his cast.

The time between Saturday and Monday were extremely rough.  The only way to keep him off of it was to hold him 24-7.  I kept the monitor near me at night so that I could run in as soon as I heard him waking so that he wouldn't stand up in his crib.  Saturday night he was up constantly in the night.  We were up with him for three hours at one stretch trying to help him get comfortable, and comfort him.  But Sunday morning he seemed to be better, and the biggest struggle was not letting him move around, which was all he wanted to do.

Monday I took him to Primary Children's.  I have never been there before, but it was a wonderful experience. They are amazing there, and because it is a Children's Hospital it was a play land.  Toys and discovery items every where you looked.  The doctors were amazing.  They put a much smaller cast on him, that goes below his knee.  She then presented a little shoe to me.  She told me to let him crawl, cruise, walk or do whatever he would normally do, but to make sure he wore his little shoe for traction and to protect his cast, if he was walking or standing.  It is the tiniest cutest little cast you ever saw, and yet it breaks your heart.  He was a little gem to the nurses and doctors and cooed at them while they put his little cast on his leg.  He even told them a couple of times, "I wuv oooh."  He stole the hearts of a few ladies that day.

It just breaks my heart to see my baby this way.  Anytime I get in the car, I fall apart and ball my eyes out, and then get my composure together so my kids will see a strong, positive mom.  I of course, relive the moment in my mind all day long to try and think how it could've been avoided.  I would give anything to trade places with him and take away his pains and frustrations.  He is doing so much better now with his new cast, and crawls all over the house with it.  I think it is awkward for him to stand on it, or maybe painful, because he hasn't attempted that more than once or twice.  He will wear his cast for 4 weeks.

The huge splint.

Leaving Primary Children's with his new cast.  I may or may not have been bawling my eyes out right then.

Porter's T-Rex

Lately when he goes to bed he has t-rex in one arm, and a similar bracchiasaurus in the other hand.  He loves it.

Because t-rex needs to be safe too.

Little Climber

I thought this was really cute at the time, but now it makes me sick- just thinking about Tyson climbing.  I had the step stool out to get something out of a cupboard and he started pushing it around the kitchen, like he does his walker.  I thought it was hilarious when he pushed it right to the pantry and then spent 10 minutes trying to climb up it.  I sat there next to him and just marveled at watching him figure things out.  His little grin of defeat was priceless.  His little victory just drove him to try and climb more.  It was this day that Porter and I installed the downstairs gate.

Oh deer! Oh my!

One of our Sunday traditions is to take a drive up the Provo Canyon before church so that the kids will fall asleep and get in a little nap before our one o'clock church time.  Yesterday on our drive, neither child fell asleep.  When we got up to Vivian Park we were glad they didn't fall asleep.  We couldn't believe our eyes when we noticed a deer near the creek, with a group of kids standing right next to it!  We hopped out to get a closer look.  Not only did this deer let us get in close proximity, this deer was letting us pet him, and would eat right out of our hands.  When everyone finally got bored of it, we headed to the other side of the river where the park was and it followed us!  Then the kids started chasing each other in the big grassy field, and the deer started running around in circles with them!  It followed these kids for probably 45 minutes.  It was one of the craziest things I have ever seen!

Porter kept touching his tail, and would laugh when it would shake his tail back at him.

He's hiding behind the branches of that tree.

Isn't that bizarre!  Those kids were all over this animal.

I wish we would've had video of this, he came over to Jared and was totally sniffing his phone that he was using to take pictures and video.

 

McDonalds

We took the kids to McDonald's for dinner the other night, and Tyson wanted to take part in the "play place" action.  He climbed up the toddler slide and with the help of mom would slide down on his tummy.  We were reminiscing on old times with Porter.  He was walking at this age and we would take him to McDonald's to play too.

Such a big boy.

I know I am totally biased, but I really do think I have the cutest little boys ever.

Softball & The Park

One of the first warm Saturday's we met all the other Robbins at our favorite softball park, and played a little bit of softball and let the kids play at the park.  These were just a couple of cute pictures I took on my phone.  Mostly Tyson and Stephen who are so fun to watch grow up together.  They are the same size and look like little brothers, and yet they are so different!  Stephen is walking all over the place, and Tyson crawls after him.  Tyson talks more.  They give each other hugs which is adorable, and usually ends up in a tackle.  They are little buddies.

Stephen giving Tyson a hug.  Right after I took this picture they both started falling backwards.  Don't ask me how but I managed to get a hand under both heads before they hit the cement.  Whew!  They had no idea there was ever any danger.

Happy boy

We can improvise with two swings!

They were loving this.

Food Storage & Self Reliance

Have you ever attended one of those Emergency Preperation fairs?  It is mostly filled with food storage/emergency enthusiasts!  Beyond the talk of a years worth of food storage, there is talk of bomb shelters, make shift bathrooms, kits to seal up your "safe room" during a nuclear bomb... the list goes on.  It is so overwhelming and discouraging to me.  I could spend thousands and thousands of dollars and still not be "prepared" in their book.

But still, the council from the leaders of the church to be self reliant and have a little stored away has hung in the back of my mind for years.  We have slowly built up a little bit of storage over the years during case lot sales, and even have nearly a thousand pounds of wheat.  But those around me have made me feel completely inadequate and belittled in my efforts.

During my Spring Cleaning, I was re-organizing my food storage.  I decided to make an inventory of what I had.  Then I got online to see what the church recommends having.  As I read the council given by the church, a feeling of calm and peace came over me.  The order and method was practical and realistic.  I felt encouraged and felt like I could do exactly what they were asking.  It was the opposite of what I have felt before- discouraged, inadequate, and overwhelmed.

I wonder if there are others out there that may feel the same overwhelming thoughts that I have had.  And so, I just wanted to share what the leaders of the church suggest.  This was found in the Church published pamphlet All is Safely Gather In: Family Food Storage, a simplified four-step approach to building your food storage.

They are as followed:

1.  Gradually build a small supply of food that is part of your normal, daily diet until it is sufficient for three months.
2.  Store drinking water.
3.  Establish a financial reserve by setting aside a little money each week, and gradually increase it to a reasonable amount.
4.  Once families have achieved the first three objectives, they are counseled to expand their efforts, as circumstances allow, into a supply of long-term basic foods such as grains, legumes, and other staples.

When President Hinckley introduced this new four step program in 2002, he said, "We can begin with a one week's food supply and gradually build it to a month, and then to three months."  He then counseled AGAINST "going to extremes."

Now, I firmly believe that we all can have the ability to receive personal revelation regarding our own individual families and I do not reproach anyone for what they may feel is right for their family.  But as for me, the over the top shelters, seals, bathrooms, and other gadgets that made me feel so overwhelmed and discouraged are what I consider to be the "extreme".

I think about the scripture that says "if you are prepared, you shall not fear."  I think many of these enthusiasts take this scripture and go to the extreme in being prepared should a nuclear bomb fall on us.  But there is a spiritual application to be made.  Our mortal lives will all end at one time or another.  If we are spiritually prepared, than we will not fear death.  If we have been spiritually prepared, we will not fear standing before our Savior to be judged.  And with that, I feel 100% comfortable being without these other means of "emergency preparations".  I will follow the simple guidelines provided by the inspired leaders of the church.

After printing out my inventory, a 3-month suggested list of items, and the All Safely Gathered In pamphlet, I started evaluating my family's needs.  I was pleasantly surprised that we were very close to having what we needed to have a three month supply.  A $100 trip to Costco has brought me that much closer.  There are now just a few more things that I need to have a completed 3-month supply.  And I am comforted knowing that there is nothing wrong with gradually picking a few extra items each week at the grocery store until it is complete.

Next we will work on storing some water, and then we will spend some time building our financial reserve.  And when we feel financially secure then we can continue to gradually accumulate the long-term staples.  We already have all our wheat which is a big one.  I am so glad for the inspired programs in the church and that it brings us calm and peace, and is easily achievable.  I am chiding myself for listening to outside influences that have driven me away from the spirit of self reliance for this long.  Hopefully this will help someone else who may have had similar feelings as myself.  I think I needed to record this for myself too, in case I need to be reminded down the road.

(And I have to give a shout out to my friend and neighbor Alissa and Kendal who have this GREAT website where they invented can organizer rotating systems that are SUPER AFFORDABLE (like $15 for FOUR systems!) and perfect for organizing and rotating food storage items.  Check them out here.)

Mother's Day

This weekend I have been overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude towards Heavenly Father for the great blessing of being a mother to my two sweet boys.  Being a mother evokes so many emotions in my life -  joy, heartache, love, compassion, frustration, protection, worry, exhaustion... the list goes on.  I at times am overwhelmed at the great responsibility that is mine regarding my children.  It is because of the knowledge I have of this divine role.  A prophet many years ago called motherhood “the highest, holiest service assumed by mankind.”  I immediately self evaluate my efforts and wonder what I can do to improve.

Well I have a lot of room for improvement, but as it is, I do not know how I would function as a mother, if it weren't for my relationship with my Heavenly Father.  I cannot recall how many times I have been struggling with a particular challenge with a child.  I contemplate ideas of how best to resolve that issue.  When my ideas do not work,  I turn to the internet for tips and parenting advice.  And finally I am down on my knees pleading for guidance on what to do.  It is usually immediately that I am taught, and it is no surprise that it always works.  I know without a doubt that my role as a mother is a partnership with God.  There really is no comparison of what I am capable of accomplishing alone, and what I can accomplish when I ask for His help.  It's night and day. 

I know with all my heart that the ultimate reward is to live with my beautiful family forever.  It is a constant source of joy knowing that because Jared and I were married and sealed in the temple, that our marriage isn't "until death do us part" but will continue after this life, and that we will continue to live with Porter and Tyson and the rest of our family. 

.................................................................................................

Mother's Day was a wonderful day, or rather weekend in my case.  Friday night was date night, and Jared took me to pick out some new shoes for Mother's Day.  I assumed that was my gift.  Saturday I woke up late and realized that Jared had risen with the early riser, Tyson.  I went to the gym and had a good work out while Jared watched the kids.  And when I returned home he told me that he was going to take the boys shopping and I was supposed to go get a pedicure, which was heaven.  Sunday, he again rose with my early riser.  Porter and Tyson gave me a book I have been wanting for a few months, and some chocolates.  Daddy cleaned up dinner, and helped with the kids.  And now it is Monday, and once again I didn't wake up with our little early bird.  I could get used to this.  :)

..................................................................................................

Of course, a weekend like this does not pass without thoughts of our own mothers.  I simply reflected on small insignificant memories.  I remember being in Kindergarten and getting Subway sandwiches for lunch every Friday.  We would bring them home, and I would eat mine on a plastic picnic table that the kids sat at.  I remember my mom was a worry wart, and we were taught to never go with any stranger, police officer, etc even if they told us our parents said it was okay.  That was, unless they had the secret password- "Pinnochio Porter".  It feels like a sin to say it out loud even now.  I remember my mom had a baby, and was in the hospital and our next door neighbor was supposed to pick us up from school.  We knew that in advance.  But still, when the next door neighbor's car pulled up to the school, we hesitated, and then discreetly whispered, "What's the password?"  She correctly answered, to which we happily piled in the car.  I remember one winter watching through the french door window panes, as my mom talked to Santa Claus on the phone, to let him know I had changed my mind since writing my letter.  I remember getting older and getting into music.  I wanted to buy cd's, but the rule was that I had to borrow the cd from a friend first and wait a good hour or so while my mom listened to the entire cd to make sure it was appropriate.  I remember having one cd that passed the test except for an inappropriate picture on the cover, to which we fixed by putting stickers all over it.  I still remember my first 2 cds.  I take it back, they were tapes.  It was Ace of Base, and Mariah Carey's Hero album.  That reminds me of another memory, which is a dad one, but still funny.  I had lost a tooth, and that night I carefully placed that tooth under my pillow along with a note.  It read something like this:  "Dear Tooth Fairy,  Instead of money can I please have the Michael Jackson tape?"  The next morning I looked under my pillow and there was two dollars and a note that said "I'm all out of Michael Jackson tapes, but maybe this money will help you buy it."  I'm pretty sure the next day I spent it all at the snack bar, and I never did get that Michael Jackson tape.  I remember having friends over and listening to music and my mom would come in dancing her crazy 70's dance moves, and I would be SO embarrassed.  And now I totally do that to my own little boys and Porter looks at me like I am crazy, and I just laugh because it reminds me of my own mother.  Good times.  I grew up with good times, that is for sure.  Thanks for the good times, mom.

Porterisms

Jared took the kids shopping today.  He told me about a conversation Porter had with another little boy that was standing behind them in line.  Jared said that the little boy resembled Porter's friend Austin - same hair cut, but darker color.  So after Porter stares at this little boy for a minute or two, he asks him, "Are you Austin?"  The little boy shakes his head no.  So Porter asks, "Well, what's your name?"  Little boy answers, "Tyson."  Porter gives him a skeptical look, and says "No, that's MY brother Tyson up there! Your name can be Tyler."

The other night Porter was saying his prayers.  His prayers can be pretty long, and I don't remember everything that was said, but it ended like this.  "Thank you that I could go on an airplane and see Grandma and Papa.  Thank you for Jesus.  Thank you for putting a band aid on my knee today.  In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

Porter got in trouble for crashing his bike into the car, so I made him go inside and told him he couldn't ride his bike for the rest of the day.  When we came inside he told me it was just an accident and then started singing me a cartoon song that goes like this "When you feel so mad... here's what you should do.... calm... calm... down!"  That was his reaction to getting in trouble.  Sometimes I have to hide the little smiles or that boy would get away with everything!

Spring Cleaning

I've been trying to do a little bit of Spring Cleaning.  It was during one of my projects that I lost track of Tyson.  Little stinker just wanted to help.

Spaghetti Night

One of the few meals that pleases every family member!  If only it weren't so messy...

Our weekend apart.

This weekend our family was separated, 1/2 of us here in Utah and the other 1/2 at my parents in California.  Jared sold his truck about a week ago, and we have been searching for a new vehicle to buy.  We found what we were looking for at a great place in Folsom, and after a week of communication and negotiating with the seller, my Dad went to check it out and make sure it was in good condition.  He called at 3:30pm on Friday and all was well.  We immediately went online and saw there was one flight left that day, at 6:30pm.  Jared bought two tickets, one for himself and one for Porter.  While he ran to the bank to get a cashier's check, I hurried and threw their their things into a duffel bag.  As soon as Jared was back we threw the kids and the bag into the car, and headed to the airport.  It was a crazy, last minute adventure!  Jared was originally going to go alone, but Porter has been BEGGING to see his grandparents for weeks now, and he couldn't resist the opportunity to take him, even though we were planning a trip the following week.

It was a quiet weekend here in Utah for Tyson and I.  The TV was off, the music was off, and there wasn't our busy body three year old talking our ear off.  It was QUIET.  Too quiet.  Poor Tyson didn't know what to do without his big brother.  If we were home he would yell his two syllable version of "Porter" which sounds like "bow-bow" and crawl around looking for him.  He was happiest if we were out and about.  So we ran a ton of errands, and got a lot of things done.  We had lots of fun one on one time together, playing just the two of us together.  We danced together, went on walks, and caught up on some housework.

Porter and Jared were very busy in California.  They purchased the new car Friday afternoon, and then had lots of fun playing with Grandma and Papa.  The went to Fairytale Town, the Sacramento Train Museum, shopping, sleepovers, and more.  Every time I talked to Jared he would tell me how Porter was in heaven with his grandparents!  He loves it there.  Thanks for taking such good care of my family, mom and dad!